“So, can’t you just tell me what to do?” The difference between life coaching and a blog post.

If someone introduced themselves to me in the past as a life coach, I would assume they’d tell me what to do with all my problems, that they have a hidden formula, a secret about how to live for the rest of my life (and there are other professions that claim to know it.)

But it never happened. I never met a life coach before I wanted to be a life coach and a hypnotherapist.

Life coaching is relatively new so I’m not surprised when people get mad and ask “So… do you tell people what to do?”

Do you like to be told what to do? Neither do I. And you didn’t ask for a therapy.

And here you may be puzzled…

You see, the blog I’m writing often includes suggestions or possibilities and occasionally I will say a word “never” or “always”, without using enough of ”possibly” “maybe” option 1, 2, 25 and “if”. I love writing and I decided I am going to draw from my experience, have fun with it, and give up the need to be objective or all-inclusive. This way I write only for some people. Not for everyone (which in the end would be for no one.)

A life coaching session is so much different.

“The person who does the talking, does the learning”

We only have your goal as a direction, but you do most of the talking. A life ( creativity, spiritual, etc) coach’s role is mostly to ask questions, not to tell you what to do. If you worked with a coach you recall that the greatest part is your progress, the fact that you did the work, that was needed to have the breakthrough, the satisfaction we have, when we have done the great work. Not when it’s done for us.

Accelerated evolution

The outcome is unknown in the beginning, your discovery is unexpected. There is no structure that needs to be followed, no script, I don’t know what’s good for you. You don’t realize it yet, so we engage your inner wisdom.

So how does a session looks like?
Like a conversation.
A walk in the desert, connecting with the spirit of nature.
Brainstorming thru  the space.
Problem solving in a quiet office.

The session is about you, all of you and more of you. As a client you are asked to step into your power and take responsibility for your process, answers, actions, decisions, it cannot be any other way. This is the responsibility that feels light, empowering, not heavy. 

Here is why: coaching in it’s essence is not about changing you, but empowering you, helping you find your way, so you no longer underestimate yourself, so you’re making it on your own terms. Coaching focuses on your abilities, presence, coaching sees you as a whole, perfect being. Coaching gives the power back to you.

It can be an intense process, however…

There might be levels of intensity and you control it.

It happens thru shifting of the responsibility: if someone tells you what to do, they underestimate you. They want, intentionally or not,  consciously or not, to be responsible for the outcome.
When you are the one who decides about things to do: you are taking the responsibility back. The circuts of your mind start operate on a different level. You can be temporarily lost, you may not know what to do, but in the end you know this is your decision.
What a wonderful entry to the life on your own terms
You get out of it as much as you put into it.


Self Love, Self Esteem… So What Is Their Relationship?

“The strongest power in life is self esteem. Not love, but self esteem.” I often hear this from Caroline Myss.

“We should work on our self esteem our whole lives” I remember from my first spiritual teacher…

How do we “work on it”? When you pay attention to every moment and every choice you make, it is quite clear; each choice either builds or weakens our self esteem.

I thought before (or maybe didn’t think about it much at all), that what we choose of self love and care, naturally supports and builds self esteem.

In this little example from last week I realized something different…

I made a commitment, actually 3 commitments to volunteer, between Wednesday and Friday. Because of my schedule, work and some classes,  I knew I will be tired, without “the breathing room”.  I expected to be resentful afterwards. I thought few times about canceling, I even thought of some great excuses. Not 2 but 8 of them. Yet I had a feeling… 

I had a feeling that if I say no, if I break my word, in the name of “self love and care” (or maybe comfort, what do you think?) the consequences will undermine my self esteem. I would feel like a failure, a person who can’t keep a promise, and I do not like to be that person (I know, because I tried it in the past multiple times.) I said to myself: ok then,  you promised; you will do it and you will make the best of it. I felt good with the decision. My self esteem got few points. And the part of me that needed “care” didn’t suffer much. 

Perhaps this is what happens: when we choose to do things of self love, they have something to do with the image of ourself we want to create, they have something to do with the person we are becoming. 

A little bit of stepping up here and there… a bit of stepping down, hiding then and there,  a big step up to the light now, a little step down to the comfort later.. and so on. But onward and upward.

The higher your self esteem the better your self love and better relationships with others. Naturally.

Do you have any thoughts or experiences you want to share, how you cultivate your self esteem?


P.S. The funniest thing happened in my story: I didn’t have to go volunteer at all: it was communicated by the OTHER side that I don’t need to come at all. I don’t know how THIS works…

How To Use A Spiral.

When solving a problem: spiral tower venice

“When you choose RESOURCES it is an upward spiral.

When you choose OBSTACLES it is a downward spiral. ”

In any situation, at any time, we do have both.

What is our focus on?


(I think I got this from Victoria Crawford, the creator of “The Way of Discovery  Path”)


Photo: joanna zajusz

If You Knew Where You’re Going, Would You Have To Rush?

Sometimes we get into the trap of chasing “success” before we even define it. We get so busy, getting “there”, that we don’t have any time to think: where are we actually heading? What exactly is the thing we are making compromises for? And then we wake up in the middle of a nightmare, we spend few sleepless nights in anxiety, and decide to leave this road because it feels false. ( That’s the rebellious types. The compliant ones stay and pay the price.)

if you know

Wouldn’t it be the most practical thing for each of us, to create our own definition of success?

And if you dislike the word, perhaps “a state of deep contentment and fulfillment” will do? What will that state, that time really have for you? How would you want to feel when you have it.

If we don’t get clear, we may be checking off or accumulating  things that in the end don’t matter all that much. Some of them will leave you even more hungry, empty, depressed.  Not that we can’t enjoy them at all… But is this the most important thing for you ?

Are you open to try something different and tell me what it changed for you?
  1. How do you want to feel by the end of every single day? Accomplished? Connected? Empowered? Free? Loved? Wonderful?
  2. What can you do tomorrow that will make you feel this way by the end of the day?
  3. How can you BE… who can you BE today to feel that by the end of the day?
  4. How will that change our lives, if we move our focus from the success “someday” to today? 

If everyday fulfillment becomes our way of life, soon we may notice that we got “there.” And there will be few regrets or maybe none at all.

Life’s example: I also like to look at breaking our soft addictions and  food habits in the same way: yes,  you ultimately want to eliminate completely sugar, dairy, cigarettes and whatever is your thing, from your diet. Yes, you may want to exercise, move,  every day for the rest of your life. But what matters today is, that you ate heathy today, in this moment you have chosen not to eat that cookie, you have chosen the past hour to be smoke free. You remembered to take a walk. After a day, a week, a month you look back and you see a success. How would you feel then, instead of worrying about the future and the next 30 years…

Photo: Joanna Zajusz / Santa Barbara

Your Permission Slip to Be Bad. Creativity And The Perfect Genetically Modified Tomatoes.


This early Monday morning I ran into a paragraph on a popular topic.

“To create we have to take the bad with the good. We’re bound to write bad paragraphs along with good ones. That’ s the eternal law. We can get rid of those bad paragraphs later on, but first we must write them. Otherwise we won’t write anything at all.

If we try to write only the good ones we are three-quarters of the way toward paralysis. The name that we have coined for this problem is “perfectionism.“ How wonderful can our writing  be if it is tied to the idea that only gems must emerge from our pen?” Eric Maisel

He compares those gems to piles of perfect genetically modified tomatoes in a supermarket, and asks us to take a cue from a bin of apricots, filled with perfect fruit, rock hard fruit and spotted leftovers. A real character builder.

When you expect only perfect – how can you really honor the creative process?

And would it still be called “creating”?

Who decides what is perfect?

What makes things perfect?

Who is judging?

Do the critics create themselves or are they just observers? What else is their problem?

Are things you consider perfect also perfect for others?

Are the things you love most, really perfect?

Can “perfect” ever be a part of artistic language?

These are some of the questions you can ask yourself when you are paralyzed, stuck, unhappy with the process. There is also a different side of being stuck. If you have tried too many times the same thing and nothing worked, take a break and think, how can you do things a bit differently? When we are too close to our work we may be forcing a gate with 7 massive locks, while few steps away there is a small opening in the wall, covered by ivy, but perfectly safe to traverse.



1 2 3 13