What Can You Do When You Feel Judged All The Time?
“Life is a process of self-acceptance” I thought to myself driving up a spiral of a tall parking structure. And it’s rewarding. You never know what else you will accept and appreciate about yourself when you take the next turn. When you keep in mind one thing…
What if I forget about this truth? Shit happens:
You know the feeling of being judged, right? Not an experience, but the feeling.
You go quietly about your day, and there it is. The voice. The memory.
Yup, this person would disapprove… that person would say those mean words.
You even see them walking around their house, shaking their head in disbelief and condemnation, wishing you would finally see what a moron you are and came to them for life’s advice. When it happens to me, I wonder if I’m even capable of tying my own shoes!
People can be paralyzed by this feeling. In the honest conversations in my healing room, or with friends, they blame it on their strict religious background, but it’s not a requirement. Many think they had the most judgmental and self-righteous parents on the planet. And even though you might have left that environment, the memory of being judged affects how you feel and perform NOW.
It happened to me as well.
Last month a major judgement attack hacked my whole system.
I let it sneak up on me in the kitchen and totally take over.
I was baking a cake, first for Ursula, and then for Madison. (I must have been out of my mind, but it was gluten free) and like the ghosts from the distant past, the critical thoughts were showing up, stubbornly, whispering harsh words of judgement (one detail not to be overlooked: I was there ALONE)
But I heard clearly how I am doing it wrong and how I should start from the beginning, or better yet: let someone else do it. One of those incidents left me in tears – to my own greatest surprise – a total mess. One cake also was a bigger mess than the other.
So after releasing a river of tears
…in front of other people later that evening (weird because crying doesn’t come easily to me) – something happened beyond logic. I let myself express the nonsense after nonsense I believed in. Something melted away with that mess.
Few days later I was doing something and as I observed my thoughts, I realized that even the “normal” judgement was not there. I even looked for it! In that moment I realized – I accepted that part of me that was judged before. I wasn’t being perfect, I simply accepted that I’m doing things the way I’m doing them.
So here is what I believe:
- You stop feeling judged – when you release self-judgement.
- When self- acceptance is more important than the opinions of others.
- The remedy to feeling judged is self acceptance.
- Even if it takes you forever, keep at it!
- And the One Thing to keep in mind?? This: You are the AUTHORITY in your own life. It’s something you will never regret.