Does Coaching Hurt? And If It Does – How Much?
Years ago, before I even knew what coaching was, I talked with a woman who called herself a coach. I shared my pain, she asked me two brief questions, and she got on her soap box. I’m not kidding. While she talked, I started feeling like a scolded preschooler…. feeling wrong for feeling what I was feeling… I was being told about some principles and how we should live. Not an ounce of compassion.
Later I had a session with a coach trained by one of the coaching gurus. During the 30 min the guy clearly was angry with me. Really?
Dude! I am a woman! I HAVE to talk about my feelings WHILE I’m talking about WORK.
Will I pay you $600 a month so you can whip my ass? Nope.
The next experiences were much better: I worked for several months with a coach who knew how to show me my strengths Who LISTENED and offered a compassionate approach at the same time challenging me to be my best. A combinations that worked for me. It was a hard work. I felt great. I accomplished my long forgotten goals. (and published a crappy ebook that was so boring and difficult, people were falling asleep during the introduction)
I learned that: coaching works if you do.
My last year’s coach (a spiritual mentor I’m going to work with again) was very demanding and compassionate. It was a hard work. She would not yield and as a result I did a lot of deep inner work. And cleared a lot.
Plus I had plenty of short experiences with coaches that were ranging from “why are you so soft? why don’t you push me to the edge” to “if you are going to ask me this question one more time I’m going to take something heavy and throw it at you”
So what is a good coaching? As a client I’d say “Good coaching feels like I have been lifted up from the dusty floor in the first 5 min of our conversation. And gives me what I need on that day. Makes me feel better and helps me to move forward with faith in myself. Sometimes it’s a simple strategy, at other times a small change in how I think – that creates huge difference in the quality of my work and life.”
As a coach I ask what you need from me on that particular day. Because on some days we are so powerful we can conquer the world. And on other days we just want a little help to keep going. And a little reminder about self-care.
Coaching is the conversation you wish you had in the difficult moments. It’s clarifying, empowering, focused on you.
My personal experience taught me that
People do better, when they feel better.
Not the other way around.
You may be considering coaching but you wonder.
Does it hurt? Will I have to change something I don’t really want to? Will I be forced to go outside of my comfort zone, and if I’m not able, then will you judge me?
Here is what someone says about it after a half day intensive with me, deep inner work that included: focused conversation, conversational hypnosis, energy work, guided visualization (and a chamomile rose tea)
“I feel like I have been at a spa, I feel so nourished.
I feel I can roar!
The past is no longer defining me and not limiting what I can do today.
I’m not afraid to speak up for myself and I have more self respect.”
You get out of it as much as you put into it.
So does coaching hurt?
It can hurt. But it’s a pain related to your growth, reaching your limits. Sometimes it’s painful when you see how much you demand of yourself and how you forgot about taking care of yourself. It’s a pain of working on yourself for yourself. But why talk only about pain? Let’s add the pleasure of realizing your potential.
Call or email to schedule your free breakthrough session. 480.331.8004 jo at positivelyrebellious dot com