Breaking Through the Feeling that “Something is Holding You Back”
Do you have something in your life that you SHOULD do (should – because it is a part of your Dream), but you can’t make yourself do it? Below I give my own example from years ago. What was holding me back, the self doubt and fears I didn’t identify as fears then. The need for breakthrough and how it finally happened.
I knew I have to start writing. I knew, I have to. Writing makes me happy and fulfilled. Each day I wanted to share things that created a positive change in my life… but something was holding me back. What was it? Why couldn’t I write? Silly excuses:
“English is my second language. When I read what I wrote a week ago, I often have no clue what I wanted to say. I may never grasp English punctuation. I saw those delicious recipes in La Cucina Italiana and I have to try them. The weather is perfect. I would rather be biking. Everything has been written.” (I’ll come back to the excuses in a moment)
Each night I felt deeply disappointed with myself; I wrote nothing, except a short note in my journal.
When excuses are stronger than your passion, you need a breakthrough. If you ignore your inner voice for too long, bad things happen:
- The creative energy stored inside is expressed in some destructive manner.
- Because you are not utilizing your talents, your self-esteem suffers.
- You feel miserable.
- You adopt a belief that others do it better.
- You start believing you don’t have what it takes.
- You start having sleepless nights.
- You may be looking at others saying “I could do it better”
- And on the other side of the spectrum: someone is looking for help from someone like you, and you are not showing up to the conversation.
- The biggest disappointment is when you are disappointment in yourself.
Underneath of the excuses there are all kinds of fears. You need to look deeper and deeper into this, to find them and to face them. You may think you are inadequate, that you don’t know enough, that you are not the kind of person doing this kind of thing, that you have so much self-doubt.
But these really are fears: fear of judgment, fear of failure, fear of having to defend yourself, fear that you are inadequate, not know enough, fear of having to perform at a level you are not yet able to.
Months later: I couldn’t stop writing. So I asked myself:
- HOW DID THIS EXACTLY HAPPENED?
- Was I able to recognize the moment when the breakthrough was happening?
- Or did I rather notice that it already happened; that I no longer had the problem.
How does breakthrough happen?
- I took one small action. That lead to another, and another. There was pleasure and rewards coming from this process.
- I took the action without overthinking it.
- I came to the conclusion, that for me the breakthrough wasn’t just one thing. It was a series of experiences that changed my perception. Perception of myself first of all.
- As a result: I started to value more my own voice. Just because I had the inner desire to write – that’s it. No other reason.
- I let myself to honor the artist within me.
- I acknowledged the healing aspect of writing and recognized that I learn thru it.
- I am surrounded by creative women who keep themselves to high standards and it is inspiring. Excuses are very unattractive. They are sign that something within us still needs to evolve and mature.
- “Suddenly” what I resisted before, became a very nourishing activity. (rewards again)
In order for things to change, for some of us, the discomfort has to grow larger than excuses. And our courage to act need to grow larger than the fears.
So wait patiently, don’t force it, but be clear about the outcome.
These may be the steps of your breakthrough:
1. Create a clear intention about who you want to be and what you want to do. Know that self doubts are part of entering a new territory, and it will go away, as you progress.
2. Verify that this is an expression of your authentic self; that you are not, in any way, fulfilling others’ plans for you; that this decision will give you inner peace and will energize you.
3. Make the decision. Feel your body and mind saying: This is it.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously.
5. You will run into other challenges that will test your commitment. Just know this is part of the process.
6. Inspiration: You find yourself in a good company of inspiring people who “just do it”. (but in reality they went thru the same process) Or: you see an unfulfilled need for what you are offering and the need is urgent.
7. Staying open and having faith in yourself you will notice at some point that your beliefs about yourself transformed involuntarily, almost unconsciously and to your deep contentment.
8. Positive events happen because you are clear about your intention.
You will notice that you were the person that was holding you back. And the breakthrough process allowed you to get to know yourself better and grow.
How did you overcome dislike of things that were after all good for you? Tell us about your breakthrough in the comments below. Thank you!