Not speaking up for yourself? Don’t let this turn to a lasting resentment…
This video is about two communication habits, that do more harm than good, and we are in full control of changing them.
This is the 3rd and last video with tips about how to move from negativity to peace, video 1 was about better boundaries, video 2 reservoir of peace, and part 3 is about using your voice to talk with more self respect and to feel better and more empowered.
But before I share my tips, let me just say it: I am not the most enlightened communicator, just ask my exex husband, obviously it’s a skill that requires long practice, I make mistakes unintentionally, just like everybody else. But when I practice what I know, it really works
This is really a fraction of a fraction of the whole communication topic…
Habit 1. Not speaking up for yourself.
When you are taken advantage of, when something goes wrong and you were hurt, and you say nothing, it’s the fastest way to build resentment and repressed anger.
If you don’t speak up, the pressure builds up in you:
You probably know someone who is always smiling, never says no, and one day comes and they explode. Of course everyone is surprised because the person never said anything…
When you are not speaking up look at your fear.
When we opt not to speak up, it’s because we don’t want to offend someone, or we will be abandoned, we may be afraid if their anger, or we don’t want to be seen as high maintenance person. In these moments we need to choose what’s more important: what will contribute to more self respect and more peace…
This is a part if a bigger problem: if you don’t share your true feelings with someone who is close to you, it is slowly breaking the connection.
There is nothing as fulfilling and satisfying as honest, deep conversation. The honest talk that takes you to the edge, to the new dimension of closeness. Such conversations could be cathartic, they can break us, but they can also create a stronger bond.
Steps to speaking up effectively:
- Remain authentic and grounded in your worth.
Imagine you are a queen. A queen doesn’t have to dramatize, or feel inferior. She expects respect because that’s her reality. She doesn’t need to get defensive: she simply states the fact and her voice will be heard.
- Choose best timing. When I need to speak up I ask myself inside: is this the best time? I can ALWAYS rely on the voice from within.
- Speak without blaming, shaming or whining.
Habit 2. Taking things personally
To NOT take things personally requires loooots of practice. (or not caring?)
Here are words from Caroline Myss, that show a situation when we are personally attacked, and how we can see everything from a different perspective. (it’s a result of evolving our self-esteem)
When someone is yelling at you: a) separate yourself mentally from the attack. b) Remain grounded. c) See the person from another angle: how hurt, disappointed, unhappy , angry, she/ he must be to act like this? How desperate- to put so much negative energy into the open fire attack? e) Don’t defend yourself.
From the understanding of what’s going on with them, you are able not to take the attack personally. It doesn’t mean you need to stay friends, but at least you did not engage your own negative energies.
So in conclusion:
Good communications habits are about:
Remaining grounded in your worth
Being true to yourself.
Speaking with self respect which turns to respects for others. And this creates more peace within us and our relations.