Self Love, Self Esteem… How do they influence each other?

“The strongest power in life is self esteem. Not love, but self esteem.” I often hear this from Caroline Myss.

“We should work on our self esteem our whole lives” I remember from my first spiritual teacher…

How do we “work on it”? When you pay attention to every moment and every choice you make, it is quite clear; each choice either builds or weakens our self esteem.

I thought before (or maybe didn’t think about it much at all), that what we choose of self love and care, naturally supports and builds self esteem.

In this little example from last week I realized something different…

I made a commitment, actually 3 commitments to volunteer, between Wednesday and Friday. Because of my schedule, work and some classes,  I knew I will be tired, without “the breathing room”.  I expected to be resentful afterwards. I thought few times about canceling, I even thought of some great excuses. Not 2 but 8 of them. Yet I had a feeling… 

I had a feeling that if I say no, if I break my word, in the name of “self love and care” (or maybe comfort, what do you think?) the consequences will undermine my self esteem. I would feel like a failure, a person who can’t keep a promise, and I do not like to be that person (I know, because I tried it in the past multiple times.) I said to myself: ok then,  you promised; you will do it and you will make the best of it. I felt good with the decision. My self esteem got few points. And the part of me that needed “care” didn’t suffer much. 

Perhaps this is what happens: when we choose to do things of self love, they have something to do with the image of ourself we want to create, they have something to do with the person we are becoming. 

A little bit of stepping up here and there… a bit of stepping down, hiding then and there,  a big step up to the light now, a little step down to the comfort later.. and so on. But onward and upward.

The higher your self esteem the better your self love and better relationships with others. Naturally.

Do you have any thoughts or experiences you want to share, how you cultivate your self esteem?


P.S. The funniest thing happened in my story: I didn’t have to go volunteer at all: it was communicated by the OTHER side that I don’t need to come at all. I don’t know how THIS works…

Joanna Zajusz

Through advanced hypnotherapy and life coaching Joanna has been helping clients to become free of their once adopted limitations, find confidence in their own voice, and create a strong foundation of inner peace. She is a certified Mind Body Wellness Coach who lives in Phoenix, Arizona. (Because she moved to the Southwest - her dream - only 14 years ago, you may still detect a Central European accent in her writings and speech.) She is a passionate fan of Marianne Williamson, Caroline Myss, and Dr. Robert Anthony.

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