Should I Stay Or Should I Go? Job, Relationships, And Other Paths
Millions of people are tormenting themselves with this questions: am I on the right path? Should I stay or should I go, and find something better? It applies to jobs, marriages, friendships, commitments, and a boring party.
The “path problem” has many flavours, and many stages.
“Why do you have that uncomfortable feeling that you’re wasting your life? It’s because you are” – Marianne Williamson
Once we have the feeling, mentioned above, we are looking for “signs,” that we should really change our paths.
It can go on… and on… and on. You could be asking every living soul for advice, you could see a psychic, you could analyze others’ failures and successes. And when we see the sign, we expect that it will list all our new benefits and hefty salary. Because we want guarantees. A thought to consider: the very fact that you are looking for a sign, is a sign.
Should you stay or should you go? Taking nothing else under the consideration except your health, happiness, and your dreams of a different life – you should go.
Taking everything else under consideration, like money, etc – you do the math. And ask yourself – is it worth it? Sometimes it may be, but the urgency of the call from within .. this may be the most important, if not lifesaving motive.
The difficulty with weighing the options is that we want safety, security – and there is no such thing, we don’t know what happens. It’s a wise thing to consider when you are reading contracts. In budding relationships red flags may show up. You may choose to see them or not. Intuition may tell you a lot. Feelings could be… but often are not – forever. Some people need to know there is a new relationship waiting for them before they say farewell to the current one. But real transformation may require that “you lose the sight of the land you know before you reach the opposite shore.” The only guarantee is:
You will feel lost, you will have doubts.
…Even after you have chosen a new direction.
“Where there is a path it’s a clear sign it’s not your path. You need to enter the forest in the darkest place, where there is no path. You need to fight your own dragons. “ – Joseph Campbell / via Brian Johnson.
Before you get there you may secretly hope that…
Once you enter the “right path”… You will be immediately showered by golden rain, while you’ll walk barefoot on a path laid with velvety rose petals… and a fragrance of wisteria flowers will bring pleasure to your whole body… and the warm breeze will feel like angels’ touch. And in the end of this path there will be a white cake, this time really good, organic and gluten free. And you, surrounded by free range laughter and joy, will sit on a swing that will send you straight to heaven, where you’ll land on a fluffy marshmallow. Happy forever after. And I’m sure there are people for whom it goes easy like this.
For many of us the “opportunities to grow,” aka lessons, problems and mistakes will be on every path, right or wrong, but you will feel different about them. On the wrong path you will feel drained. The effort will feel pointless. On the right path you will have a sense of purpose and meaning.
In reality very often…
Everything you do for the first time is hard. And every little success makes the next one easier.
Who do you owe explanation to?
How often do we stay where we are, because we think we owe others explanation why we want to make the change. Why we want the divorce, why we want to quit the profitable job. We come up with loads of sensible reasons, none of which sounds really convincing. BECAUSE the only explanation we have, is one, that will sound absolutely ridiculous to other people, and it’s this: “because my soul will die if I don’t”, “because my spirit told me so”.
At the same time this is the ONLY valid reason to make the change.
Your hips don’t lie.
You may be going fast, you may not be paying attention, but most of us can recognize a feeling, a voice within, one that wakes you up around midnight or 4am… all anxious, knowing that something should end. Now. That something new should start. Now. And often it is not just a hunch: it’s the whole triad: body – mind – and spirit, screaming: “Don’t!”, or: “Do”.
A point of no return is reached when…
You no longer ask “if”, you ask “when”.
You crossed the rubicon…
“Once you discover your life’s passion, which could be your vocation, partner, or sexual identity, you will experience a type of spiritual suffering, until you act on that passion. This suffering is a form of divine motivation, urging you to live more authentic life.” – Caroline Myss, PhD
Is it selfish?
To other people we will always be selfish, if we are not doing exactly what they want us to do (that means: if we refuse to be their slaves) and if we don’t share their life’s philosophy.
Wise people know: from the outside things look much differently than on the inside. You know the inside. You know the cost of refusing the call.
Whose permission are you waiting for?
Subconsciously we want others to approve of our choices, to give us permission. But it’s not their job. Just like it’s not yours to dream for others. You wouldn’t want to! You are the only person that can do this. So, today do this.
Grant yourself permission to dream wildly.