The Best Thing To Do After A Breakup.

pain of lost love

1. DEPOSIT YOUR LOVE IN THE GOOD BANK

I was preparing for my Reiki session, when this wise woman told me the “breakup story”…

“This is what I realized in the past few months:

When Jack leaves Jill, after some time they were happy together, what will Jill do? What do the Jills of the world do?  Jill will be sad and full of hope that Jack will be back. She will keep sending love to him.

But Jack is not coming back. He doesn’t want Jill’s love.

So Jill ends up “spending” her love and “depositing” it in a bank where it gets lost.  All the time.  In this or similar situations when we keep empowering others with our attention and love, we lose power ourselves. More so, if the person we deposit it the feelings with, doesn’t care.  So what is the solution then?  Women need to watch this: when a man leaves, and they start “sending the love…” they need to:

  • A. Stop sending their love to the person who doesn’t value it 
  • B. Send the love back ‘home.’  To their own heart. “Deposit” the nourishing, caring, valuable gift in their own heart account. 

(It’s ok to send blessings to others, but love?  No. Send it back home. Particularly in times they are vulnerable and hurt.”) After Lisa, the Reiki Master, finished, I thought of several women I needed to share it with… 

How do you do this?

You may be asking:  “How do you do this? How do you send love back home, to your own heart?” You do it thru visualization, thru working with your own energy.  Both are like a muscle you develop by working on it.  Just like you imagine sending love to someone else, so you can imagine it going out… yet you turn it back, 180 degrees, and direct it your your emotional and spiritual heart. This will warm and strengthen your heart.
You can do this.

2. YOU CAN CLOSE YOUR HEART, OR YOU CAN LEAVE IT OPEN. HERE IS WHAT HAPPENS IN BOTH CASES.

When you experience the pain of lost love, what can you do?

♥ You can close your heart. Desensitize it. Stop feeling the pain. The problem with this is that later, it will take a long, long time to open it up, again. This will hurt you AND others. This will turn against you. It’s better to feel something than nothing at all.  As you start avoiding the painful feelings you will notice after a while that you also stopped enjoying the usual things you used to enjoy. And then you will go to a therapy… there is a better way: 

♥ Leave your heart open. It will serve you. Grieve the loss of this love. Connect to the feeling of sadness, leave your heart open and soft, look into the lesson learned, you will realize that the love you felt is still yours. The sadness and the pain are simply signs of how deeply you loved. This is a gift to someone who will appreciate it. Nothing can take away the beautiful moments. And if there were no beautiful moments than it’s actually great it all ended. Something good will come from this. If you let it. 

  • The way of the closed heart is the way to deeper pain and misery.
  • The way of the open heart is the way of of honoring yourself. Listening to yourself. Respecting yourself. 

You have heard: love is everywhere. You have read:  if you run away from the worst pain, you will also deny yourself the deepest joy.

Choose the way of an open heart.


Do you feel out of balance? After a breakup it may be beneficial to do energy work, like Reiki,  to put together the broken pieces of your heart with this nourishing healing divine energy. Some people choose to accompany it with a hypnosis session. Those sessions’ goals range from wanting to stop obsessive thoughts about the ex, cutting cords,  seeing your own value and worth, and starting loving yourself is a deeper and wiser way. You can do this also on your own, but if you need assistance write to me. 

Joanna Zajusz

Through advanced hypnotherapy and life coaching Joanna has been helping clients to become free of their once adopted limitations, find confidence in their own voice, and create a strong foundation of inner peace. She is a certified Mind Body Wellness Coach who lives in Phoenix, Arizona. (Because she moved to the Southwest - her dream - only 14 years ago, you may still detect a Central European accent in her writings and speech.) She is a passionate fan of Marianne Williamson, Caroline Myss, and Dr. Robert Anthony.

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