How to safely transform your most negative emotions.
When we seek help of a therapist or a coach, it’s because we are in emotional pain, we have a problem, and we want to feel better. A therapeutic or coaching conversation is a place of healing. It is supposed to be safe.
THE RISK
Imagine you struggle with negative emotions, anger, even hatred, jealousy, guilt, and shame. You feel the pain of these emotions and you want to find a solution. First: it takes courage and humility to ask for help. You open up. Perhaps you say things you never said before. You feel vulnerable…
The last thing you want to experience in this moment is judgment “You should not feel that, you should not say that, etc” (as if not saying it makes it go away.) And this is what often happens in regular conversations. “Regular”.. when the person you talk to just doesn’t know what is needed.
You would feel dismissed and misunderstood, and you could have a vulnerability hangover. You took a risk, and now you feel much worse.
Coaching or therapeutic conversation is different.
Coaches and therapists are trained to hold a neutral space of nonjudgment and no agenda.
Coaches do this work because they love helping people out of their pain.
A big part of the techniques they use involves transforming negative emotions into more productive, resourceful states. Therefore, a coach, a spiritual healer, or a therapist is a good choice when you struggle (that is the case with good coaches, there are some “unhealed healers” out there that may not fulfill this promise)
On another note, people who experienced a lot of judgment earlier in life and have not recovered will interpret anything, even an innocent question or a changed facial expression, as judgment. Even a neutral question like “why?” is considered by some as threatening.
Once you open up to the idea of asking for help: how do you choose a therapist or a coach?
I have three rules for myself:
- Who am I drawn to?
- Who do I trust and feel safe with?
- Who do I know who specializes in this specific issue?
And as always, just because you feel negative emotions, it doesn’t mean you cannot love and care for yourself through this. This is the time when you truly need it most.
Work with me
Do you struggle with resentment, grudges or anger? Dr. John Sarno believed that these are the most harmful emotions and everyone who suffers from chronic pain has suppressed rage. When you are ready to free yourself from it, schedule a free call with me. We will use a variety of mind-body techniques (and coaching) to create real changes. Click here https://www.calendly.com/jopr
If you are not a coach but you would like to improve your listening skills, you need to get this book by Thomas Moore: