Ep. 21. Comparison, creativity and confidence.
This is also recorded as a PODCAST. Available on Apple podcasts, Amazon podcasts and many other places.
In this episode:
Comparing is an act of violence against ourselves. – Iyanla Vanzat
Comparison feels bad because it involves self-judgment
Comparison in life and in our creativity feels bad because it undermines who we are and what we create. Even when you feel “better” after comparing – it still feels icky. Why is it? Think about what happens when we compare: we judge. We judge ourselves, our creations, our life. And we evaluate the other. I judge myself as bad/ worse and the others as better. We are our harshest critics, perhaps with some exceptions, no one else will judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves. Hope that brings you some peace.
- The positive aspects of comparison: learning, getting inspired, or in competitive situations knowing where you rank.
The comparison makes us borrow other people’s energy.
Coaching for public speaking moment: A client wants to speak like YXZ. However, does her audience want another version of XYZ, a copy of XYZ, or the best version of her? Maybe not even the best version… just her!
- What is the best? The best speech, the best book? It depends on what is the purpose of the speech.
- A new teacher talking like “somebody else.” I don’t hear what she says. What I hear is someone else speaking, but not the person I am looking at.
The ugly face of comparison is jealousy. It’s possible to transform it. We can evolve through this awareness: find within yourself the gifts you admire in the other person.
How do I conquer the impulse to compare?
Before recording this episode, I paid closer attention to myself. How often do I compare myself, my work, my art, and my life?
I’m pretty much done with comparing my life. Yes, sometimes I fantasize, but I also know I am living someone else’s dream. Besides, switching lives is not an option, but improvement of the one we have (usually) is.
I did compare my creativity and my art (at this moment, my paintings are not public) and when that happened I felt bad. The feeling alerted me to the fact I was comparing myself. Like in every area of life I am working on, it’s the negative feeling that calls my attention and shows the way. So when the feeling happened, I checked in and asked, “what was I just thinking?” Oh, I was comparing myself… and I let that go. No need to analyze, no need to coach myself on this. Just letting it go.
How do you let go?
You say “I let it go.” You pause thinking about it. Close your eyes and exhale. And the habit is broken, not built.
The whole thing can take 1-2 minutes.
I realized that it may not be possible to eliminate comparison 100%, (just like we may not be able to stop a negative thought) but it’s possible to let it go, don’t believe it, and not get involved.
Letting go of comparisons allows us to trust and honor ourselves and our ideas. It builds our confidence too.
Is there a useful way to compare: compare myself today to who I was yesterday or years ago. And then compare myself today to the version I am becoming.
Do you need help with overcoming your creative blocks, like self-doubt, procrastination, and perfectionism? I have an 8-week 1:1 program that will help you get things done faster and in alignment while feeling better about yourself. We do it using coaching, hypnotherapy, and energy healing.
Schedule your free no obligation call here https://positivelyrebellious.com/project-creation/