The Secret To Having More Patience When You Need It Most

patience like a river

(the photo was taken near Tillamook in Oregon)

Though I am writing this sitting on my yoga mat – my place to restore balance – the recent days were trying times for my patience. Sometimes it’s the “other people”, sometimes it’s stuff happening when I’m rushing, and sometimes it’s the heat and humidity of August that extended into September. (there were studies done in Minnesota showing that level of frustration indeed raises with raising temperature)

“Patience is a gift given or received.”

– says Judith Orloff, M.D. Same is true about peace.

For many, many years I thought my reservoir of patience has no bottom. Until I reached it in my 8th year of working in sales / customer service. For next few years I mainly shielded myself from the possibility of frustration. At the same time I shielded myself from other possibilities… It ‘s only recently when I decided to get serious about restoring my patience.

And here are my conclusions

A. The meaning

  • “Patience” was never my favorite thing. It’s changing now, because I’m discovering: having patience is good for your well-being, it means taking care of yourself, respecting yourself, being kind to yourself.  To “lose patience” is to lose joy, hope and faith in self.
  • Being more patient also means using more of your wisdom – knowing that the “right time” for things to happen can’t be completely controlled by us, but what we want most, happens in mysterious circumstances,  out of blue.
  • Since emotions are contagious, being patient also means spreading more patience than frustration.

B. The lesson

Maybe times of frustration are a training in the Second Agreement of “not taking things personally” ( wherever it applies.)

Maybe when we are frustrated and “have no more patience” we could see it as a lesson,  just like we often tend to see everything else. When we pass one test… another test, maybe we will have less frustrating moments because we passed the test of patience. It’s not that another frustrating moment won’t show up, but it will not cause you to feel the frustration.

The process of learning patience is no different than anything else.

awareness action

Awareness. Intention. Willingness. Action.

You need to become aware that you run low on patience.

You need to have an intention of changing it. For your own sake, not just to be nice to other people.

You need to be willing to do what it takes to restore it.

You need to take right action the moment you become aware the problem appeared

C. Patience connections. 

Patience and Peace. To “have” more Patience we need to cultivate inner Peace.

How to be more peaceful? Without sending you to another elaborate post, lets KIS.

(keeping this simple…)

To be more peaceful we need to engage in something peaceful. THAT’S IT.

You will know. You may want to go for a bike ride. Or sit in jacuzzi staring at the stars, eating juicy California mangos. Turn on tibetan music, do some yoga in the moonlight, or candlelight. Talk to someone who always calms you and brings you comfort.

Patience and Self Care. Physical comfort and joy for the senses have huge influence on restoring our inner comfort, peace and patience. In times of great stress and daily frustration it is important to restore peace daily.  Give yourself better self care especially in those times.

Patience and Time. We are strange creatures, (we, people:) We have trouble with being here and now, but we want everything here and now. We are excellent in being in this moment, when something we don’t like happens. We dramatize and see the end of the world in those events. In such moments it may be helpful to realize that the Time is an always flowing river, it never stops, it didn’t stop when you had an accident, it didn’t stop when you got divorced – there is a solution down the river, or life has something different for you down the river.

If you are close to losing hope, or feel deflated after 29th time of trying and failing, have patience with yourself first. Do you have enough faith in yourself? In your plan and direction? Are you fully accessing your inner wisdom? Are you kind enough to yourself? How can you restore your peace?

“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself” Saint Francis De Sales. And perhaps that is exactly the secret. 

I want to hear from you: What were your lessons that taught you how to be more patient?

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