[Take your power back] Part 2: Connection + Food
In the previous post I wrote about overeating to please others and Example One was about a Mother – Daughter story, I frequently hear.
In this example we often fall into eating what others eat because we want to belong. For some reason we believe belonging comes from doing similar things. We don’t want to stand out.
That makes sense when we look at conditioning of the primitive brain:
Being different meant usually being outside of a group. These days we can become more aware and intentional (through our individual work) and overcome this unconscious conditioning.
We often eat what others eat, we feel connected this way. We make is mean without realizing: When we do things together, we connect. Food connects us, but sometimes it doesn’t, when one person starts watching what they eat.
But wait! Is this true? What changes? Does the connection come from eating the same thing? That would be insane!
Our connection with the other person doesn’t come from having the same thing on the plate.
This is impossible.
Take a look at the Model and where does the connection come from
Circumstance: You eat a salad and drink hot tea. She eats pizza and drinks a coke. Or vice versa. (these are facts)
Thought: It is amazing we get to be together / everyone gets what they love
Feeling: connection / satisfaction
Circumstance: She eats a salad and drinks hot tea. You eat pizza and drink a coke.
Thought: She wants to demonstrate to me that I eat bad food. (Or) This damn-rabbit -food-eating-snob!
Feeling: self – judgment / alienation
Circumstance: You eat a salad and drink hot tea. She eats pizza and drinks a coke.
Thought: I wish she realized how much harm she does to her body.
Feeling: judgment / self- righteous (this will show up on your face and in communication and as a Result you will create harm to the relationship. It’s what judgement does)
(reminder- How to look at the model: You have zero control over the Circumstances / facts – other people and what they eat. You have a complete control over your thoughts. Your thoughts create your feelings)
That is why we often compromise what is on our plate, we eat what they eat, to feel connected.
Let’s outgrow this thinking! The truth is that:
Connection comes from what we think about the other person and about our time together.
We break the connection when we have a negative thought about what others eat.
It’s absolutely fun to taste food with others and compare experiences, join beer lovers or chocolate lovers groups. And it is so much fun to be at a table, where everyone eats what they want to, without being judged and without self-judgement.
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