[Podcast 3] How to shift your mindset
[this is not a full transcript] I love this quote Hafiz: The words you speak become the house you live in.
If so… it is even more true that the thoughts you think become the house you live in. You can’t run away from your thoughts, they are always there. Today I want to talk about Mindset. Mindset being a collection of thoughts. The house you live in. Mindset is affecting how we experience life and what we create in each area of life. If you don’t like the experience that your mindset is creating – what can you do? A brain transplant is not an option.
In this episode I want to share real life examples of the impact of changing just one thought, few thoughts, or the mindset in a specific area of your life. for example you want to change how much money you make – you work on money mindset. You want to have a long term relationship (after many short term failures) so you work on the relationship mindset. same with weight.
And coincidentally, I recently thought of this metaphor in a coaching session, changing the mindset is like tearing down an old house and rebuilding it from the bottom up.
It was a client who had decades of belief and thoughts that created extra pounds she didn’t like it. She doesn’t want to keep it so she can’t keep the thoughts that cause it. She was passionately sharing how she cannot change the thoughts…but these were only few thoughts.
To undo decades of beliefs we need to change the mindset. And luckily even if people have no patience for this, I have patience for both of us. So I was sharing how now we are taking down the old house, (5th week of working together) old mindset and we are building a new one. Now we have the mess, construction going on, dust… The thoughts that she said she couldn’t change were part of the construction mess. (if it was a real construction it wouldn’t happen ) We are already building something new, but we are stumbling upon some mess that is still there.
She already lost weight. She already is thinking in a different direction, meaning, she already adopted some new thoughts, but some are still in the way. So 10 min later we loosened up the roots of the negative thoughts and the following week she was so glad that I didn’t let her believe the BS. But only several days ago, she was sure this was the truth about her.
To lose 50 pounds you will need to change the mindset, one THOUGHTat a Time, not just one T. Also if you are a drinker, procrastinator or chocoholic and you want life free of alcohol, procrastination or chocolate and sweets – it’s a mindset change.
One indicator of transformation is how the emotions change, there is no drama if you don’t want to change anything, right? we simply don’t know how addicted we are to something unless we remove it. But when you initiate change you have more negative emotions especially when you want to use willpower to change. You may go back to the habit, then you struggle again. And then… if you practice new thoughts, slowly the urges become less urgent, the desperation less desperate and frequent. You become more free.
Then one day you realize you say “I don’t eat chocolate. ” “I don’t drink alcohol” “I am a nonsmoker.” “I am getting things done.” “I trust myself.” You start defining yourself as a new person. It was Unthinkable for you before. It happened because you practiced the new skills.
Sometimes you don’t need to do so much work.
In some cases the mindset change is like painting a room.
(example how I transformed my resentment) min 5:15 – 7:30
min 7:33 Sometimes it is a correction of one thought. Like moving furniture around. Still you walk in and it feels different. EXAMPLE so simple, you may not believe it is impactful but check it for yourself. We often share with others how much you have to do… “I have to do so much!” it come across as a complaint (we often say we have to do something and this is exactly what we procrastinate on) It is not even a fact that you have to. Yes, there are consequences if you don’t, but you can suffer the consequences and still not HAVE TO (do health check ups , taking care of children, do taxes) When you realize you don’t have to… but instead you choose to, or you want to… the energy changes instantly. Of course you want to take care of your body, taxes, children.
Two basic powerful steps we need, to start changing the thoughts . 1. Empty your mind. See what thoughts are you thinking. 2. Separate facts from thoughts…
1. Empty your mind (journal, do morning pages, thought downloads) (…)
2. Separate facts from thoughts. Now this is tricky, and it is good to have some help here. What are facts? Facts are the past, other people, weather, things everyone could agree on, proven, diagnosis, physical condition.
10:00 min (…) examples of limiting beliefs: “I need a drink”, “I can’t imagine life without pastries” ,”Dinner is not complete without a dessert”, “Life is sad without chocolate”, “I have to do this even though I don’t want to, otherwise they will not like me”
We constantly mix facts with thoughts.
Even though you want something that you can’t have with that thought FIRST powerful shift happens when we realize that it is a thought and thoughts are optional. When you realize what are the facts and only facts in the situation without all the story, judgment, adjectives, and opinions you can see the situation with new eyes, with new mindset.
What happens with the “deeply rooted” thoughts? First when you know they are thoughts – this loosens them up a bit. When you ask yourself good questions – they loosen up even more. What is this thought creating – you realize that it is taking you in the opposite direction to your goals. How do you want to think about this situation – it is often a surprise that this is an option.
Example I talk about here: a woman shares with me she regrets purchasing an equipment because “it wasn’t worth it” but the only reason it is not worth anything because she is not using it. If she was using it every day the value of the equipment would go up (…)
Another thing that is helping to loosen up the deep negative thoughts is focusing in the right direction. Very often we believe the thoughts because we have huge evidence for them in the past. We have the proof. But what we want is different, what we want is in the future, we don’t have proof for it yet, we need to create the evidence. So instead of focusing on the past we need to start focusing on the future.
Imagination, exploring a possibility and practice believing – it starts with a new thought. We need to be deliberate about it, because focusing on the Past – doesn’t require energy, it’s like falling into a downward spiral. focusing on the future – required more energy from the brain.