Having bad thoughts about yourself? Here is a way out
Don’t believe [initially] everything you think. Especially when it makes you feel bad.
What if the thought: “I feel bad BECAUSE of what that person said” is not true?
What if it’s not because of that person but because of the trigger, the memory within you.
It is because of your thoughts about this.
When that happens we go thru cycles of justifying our feelings, feeling bad about feeling our feelings, and even worse: blaming others, wanting them to do things differently around us. Mistake.
There are ways how to fix and heal the negative feeling in ourselves.
Without… having a conversation; that’s actually not helpful if we are confused.
Without… instructing others how to act around us: that would be giving them a manual how NOT to be themselves (i see some exceptions)
You do your inner work. Until you find peace. Until the clouds part and you see the sun again.
What you CAN do to feel better:
1. Search for evidence
Whatever happened -it made you come to a shitty conclusion about yourself. Naturally your brain will look for the evidence it’s true and rake the memory for confirmation of your negative conclusion. Knowing this, you can switch the direction and look for the evidence of something opposite and positive. You will find it too.
2. What are you not giving?
“Only what you are not giving can be lacking in any situation” says A Course in Miracles. Ugh, that’s hard to accept… really? Yes.
Either you are not giving it to the situation, to the other person, or to yourself. So what’s lacking?
What do you want from others you are actually not giving yourself?
3. Check in. Which of your 6 needs are not met here?
The needs are: Significance/ certainty / adventure / love&connection / growth / contribution. [Robbins / Madanes] Maybe you never acknowledged one of them is reaaalllly important to you? Maybe you dismissed it? When we dismiss any of our top needs, it will bite us back. It will demand to be met.
Now, ask: how can I make sure this need is met / by me/ what I think / do or say?
4. What am I making it mean
What happened and what am I making it mean? If you ask the other person – it’s never the same meaning.[One of my favorite tools I learned from Brooke Castillo, to resolve conflicts and miscommunication]
5. Next time
What will I do in a similar situation next time? Knowing this gives you a sense of control. Very often when we experience unpredictable situations, we don’t have a good reaction or response. But next time you will know.
HOW DO YOU KNOW you have completed your inner work?
Simply: you will stop feeling upset. You will let go of your anger. You will feel in your body you have rewired your thinking.
The clouds will part. The heaviness will lift. You will feel JOY and ILLUMINATION again. Better than before.