Episode 13: When you feel “not enough”
When you feel not enough - remedy
This podcast is spiritual on purpose. Every week I highlight one practical idea or perspective to support us in living and creating on purpose. I’m Joanna a clinical therapist, artist, and a certified coach, and I’m happy to be a host. Welcome back.
Episode number 13: not enough or too much. Today, I want to talk about this universal problem when you believe: I’m not enough. This is widespread. I hear it on coaching calls sometimes, i have this feeling. And then there’s also the other side of what I believe is the same coin: I am too much. Often in the coaching sessions, people state it clearly, out loud “I am not enough”, when we are talking about something they want. Or sometimes, it’s just there between the lines. For me, this is an unfinished sentence.
You are not enough…. what? Possibly not smart enough, not beautiful enough, not young enough, not worthy, not thin enough, all of those things. If you feel down or disempowered because you believe this, which version of this is the hardest for you? And you will know what you believe, what specifically is not enough for you, by how you try to compensate for it. And this is how you may be pushing away from you something that you want.
You may be a weightless coach who still has some weight to lose, and you say, Well, I’m just not thin enough for people to actually hire me as their weight loss coach because I should be thinner. But did you know that there are also thin people who believe that they are not enough because they are too thin to coach on weight? “Who will believe me that I can really help somebody lose weight if I’m so thin right now.?” And yet, both types of people are making it work. it is simply their belief that it’s standing between them and that dream of who they want to be, what kind of work, they want to do.
Next is “I’m not smart enough.” I hear it in this way, people will say, i want to write a book. I have this calling, I want to do this and that, but, you know, I don’t think I am smart enough. I don’t have the education. I don’t have the formal education, I would have to sign up for this course or that course or go to get phd because i’m not smart enough. “I have to prove that I can do it.” So what ultimately happens is you go back to school or sign up for 7 courses to prove you are good enough. Or you give up on the idea, because you tell yourself that you don’t have any time, the mind, and it’s too late anyway, and that will take time (aka I am too old/ not young enough.)
If you take the path of signing up for different courses, what may happen is you will finish them… you will still find reasons why you are not enough to do this. If you have heard yourself say,” I’m not enough.”
If you had that feeling and at the same time you really wanted something, what was the next thing that happened? Did you give up, or did you go to prove yourself?
You may say, but Joanna, if I want to help other people with this or have this profession, I really have to get a degree or educate myself on this so I don’t harm people. Yes. It might be necessary. it might be a good idea. What I want to point out is: what energy does it come from? Scarcity? Are you trying to prove yourself? fear of missing out, fear of missing something, fear of being judged by … smarter people who are only waiting to point out your mistakes and not-enoughness and call you an imposter? That happens when you believe you are not enough.
And then when does the chase after the eduction end? How do we know that when you take the next course, you will feel smart enough? We don’t – if you do not start believing something else. When will you be enough? Do you know? But when the search for education comes from calm confidence of the new and useful belief – everything you do comes from confidence, not from the need to prove yourself. What if you are smart enough and competent enough with the knowledge that you already have?
Tune in and check how you feel when you hear this: you are exactly as smart as you need to be to answer your calling.
You are exactly as smart as you need to be to fulfill your purpose. You are exactly who you need to be to claim your dream. Can you sense the difference?
Another limiting belief is ” I am not pretty enough for this.” Is what you need to do has anything to do with a beauty contest? Because if you are not participating in a beauty contest, if you are offering something different than that, then maybe you can just let go of that “not enough” Then we have “I am not worthy” enough – and you may see yourself overcompensating with expensive things. (that you can’t afford; it’s not like this is your reality , but you overspend on things just to prove something)
We put all the effort into covering up our not enough-ness until we hear “she is just too much” “he is too much” , Which happens for people who bring a lot of strong energy wherever they go. And it’s normal for them to hear that. When you hear” you are too much” and you care about fitting in, more than you care about being loyal to yourself, you will try to fit in, shrink, twist yourself to fit into boxes. Water down your essence, and soon you feel depressed because that’s what happens when you shrink and limit your self-expression. Not enough and too much or two sides of the same coin.
Self-worth is based on a moving target, a vague, undefined Standard. It comes from comparison and to what ?
This is not high quality thinking; it’s not effective thinking. In coaching, we can’t get to any reasonable solution with such vague language. And what is the solution? What is this one simple answer to all of this? It’s thinking, feeling, and believing to your core that you are Exactly who you need to be. You are exactly who you need to be to fulfill your life’s purpose. You are exactly who you need to be to claim your dream. You are exactly as smart as you need to be to write that book. If you are making art, You are exactly as talented as you need to be To share with others your creative ideas in the form of your art. So, how does it feel to you?
Don’t waste time on this topic.
I found that it’s not a worthwhile topic to investigate because as soon as we dive into this rabbit hole, we will start finding evidence that you are not enough. So why not start looking for evidence that you are exactly as you need to be? I know that some people indulge in coaching in over-analyzing themselves. So if, just like you, I want to say this, You will use your time in a much better way if you work on your life’s purpose, on your calling, on what you actually want to do. Versus working on those negative thoughts. Yes, it’s true. There are certain mindset that we have to work through In a very detailed way, but the thought I’m not enough, it’s not one of them. Don’t waste your time analyzing this thought, and where did it come from? Since almost each of us has it or has it at some point. Spend your time put that time into educating yourself on what you actually want to do.
THERE WILL BE TIME YOU WILL THINK YOU ARE OVER IT. and the thought will show up out of nowhere. If it does just know that it doesn’t mean anything, don’t be afraid of this thought. You may be already doing what you want to be doing, and suddenly, in certain situations, there is a challenge and this feeling will come back. Stop and shake it off like a dog. Know that you are not reverting back. Remind yourself: I am exactly as i need to be to address this challenge. And from that place of confidence and faith in yourself, you may easier access the information what to do. If you believe that you are not enough, maybe you will try to avoid this situation. So If the thought shows up, it doesn’t mean that you are reverting back, this is very important. Let me know if that perspective was useful for you and if you ever want to have a personal coach, please go to positively rebellious.com sign up for a free call, Thank you so much for listening.