[Relationships] How to Create a Permanent Bond

Sometimes we are convinced that if we were more lucky or have more chemistry, or chose a different partner in the first place – all our relationship’s problems – wouldn’t exist. And that might be true. Especially if we’ve got into the current problematic relation for all wrong reasons. But even if you are a great match, your relationship will face trouble at some point, during certain life’s events, or just with the passing time.

There are times when it’s healthier to end the relationship, than to struggle, but if both of you still want to make the effort to save it, consider this: do you communicate with your partner about what your needs? Do you truly know what is important to you?  Are you able to satisfy his or her needs and if not, do you have an honest talk about what to do in this case?

Communication is essential; very often we think we show love by doing something, that for us would be an expression of love, but for the other person the same thing may have a different meaning, lead to frustration, or is just a hassle.

You may be familiar with the six basic human needs thru Tony Robbins’ work, but I’m going to quote Cloe Madanes from her book “Relationship breakthrough”):

The Key to Everlasting Love

In the most fulfilling relationships, all of our six human needs are met through the relationship, be it with spouse, family, friends, or colleagues.  When you satisfy two of the needs of someone else, you have a connection. If you satisfy four of their needs you have a strong attachment.  If you satisfy six of their human needs, the person is permanently bonded to you.  Naturally, you [want to do that] because it is good for them, good for the relationship, therefore good for you. […]  If you want a strong, loving and lasting relationship, you need to satisfy their six basic human needs.

The needs are:

1. certainty,
2. uncertainty / variety,  
3. growth,
4. love / connection,
5. contribution,
6. significance. 

We are free to create relationships that don’t fit into any known format. But no relationship will survive and thrive without good communication. And that takes practice. We often need help of a third person to translate what we are saying to each other. Particularly, once we built walls around our hearts. If you have been trying to resolve something for weeks or months, seek a relationship coach. It’s likely that one session will bring more clarity, than weeks of repeating the same argument with each other.